24 August 2009

post-rapture pet sitting

This gets filed under one of the two: 1) most-pathetic-attempt-at-a-moneymaker; or 2) I-wish-I-would-have-thought-of-it-first. A little of both. But because I am numbered among the sane exegetes who do not see any clear reference to a rapture (via the common perception) in Scripture, it didn't occur to me. And since people want to make actual reading of their Bible secondary to reading things like Left Behind and lame David Jeremiah drivel, then let's get some profit out of it.

I present: Eternal Earth-Bound Pets

N.B., Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

This is the evangelical version of carbon-offsets. There is no scientific evidence for human-driven global warming, yet guilt poured on the successful goes a long way for raking in some cash.

However, this one is more perfect than the carbon programs. Because there is no way to get your money back - there can be no enforced broken contract. Think about it. If you are raptured, you cannot file lawsuit on the failure of this company to perform its duties. One might even assume that the post-rapture nirvana-like bliss that Christians expect to have while their human family is being lost in the torment of self-destructing earth, you probably won't really even care about ole Fido. (Just a guess here.) And if the rapture doesn't happen (at least, not before Muffins lies in her eternal shoebox) then the contract simply hasn't had opportunity to be executed. The perfect crime.

And I want some action here. (I will also plant a $10 tree for every $100 for carbon credits sent my way . . .)

And, notice, that the program is headed up by an atheist - so you know he's not going anywhere. If you don't have access to a committed atheist - being fearful that he might come to Jesus - there is this chart offered by a competing company, which helps determine who you can trust in the post-apocalyptic scenario.

1 comment:

Jon Newton said...

Very funny but sad too. The atheists see rapture-driven Christians as vulnerable to all sorts of exploitation.

I am also collecting and responding to apocalyptic madness on my website www.jonknewton.com and in my new book "Revelation Reclaimed"

Jon Newton